Female Singles: Old Maidens?

Men have always been more successful than women in arranging their lives. Women had to put up with the insulting name of "old maidens". The contemporary "old maiden" does not have much in common with the image we habitually imagine.

Today's single woman is independent, educated, provides for herself and for her child. Sometimes she looks better than her married girlfriend (she has more time to look after herself). But all the same this woman is suffering from loneliness, she is very unhappy about the injustice of the situation, she is in a search of a way out and often does not find it.

The confessions of single women cause a sensation of hopelessness in those who listen to them. The prevailing topic is that of dependence on the circumstances of life and on the opinions of other people. This phrase is frequently heard: "Everyone thinks that I am unhappy because I am lonely and I have no children". Sometimes the woman could feel perfectly all right by herself, but the continuous reproaches of public opinion, even direct insults that are tolerated by the society are very hard to bear. There is also an avalanche of insults caused by the existence of "half-families", that is, homes, which the man visits from time to time. Such woman is considered unable to make the man stay if he is single, and said to destroy the family if he is married. But most women are not happy with such a state of affairs, they would like to marry, but did not succeed yet. Maybe we shouldn't reproach them once more for their loneliness that they did not choose and for the casual affairs they live by instead of a strong family. It is rather cruel, in fact.

Certainly, there are reasons for which the woman did not get married. It could be higher education, and a following unwillingness to marry at the age of 20-24 years; absence of an adequate opportunity; shyness; lack of ability to communicate and to keep up the conversation; egoism, resulting in loneliness; an illness frequently bringing about an impossibility to rear children; absence of hobbies outside of home etc. There is a variety of reasons, but there is one thing that unites them all: in most cases they could be overcome.

Destiny is considered to choose the life partner. Women often have an opinion that the man who is to become their future husband should be met by accident, should appear by coincidence of circumstances. But destiny and purposeful search of a partner do not contradict each other. Remember that in older times noblemen started "to go out" with their daughters when they reached a certain age. Receptions were arranged with the same purpose. Courtship was not neglected anywhere. The matchmaker acted as the carrier of information when the arrangement between parents of the groom and the bride was signed. There also were matchmakers among bourgeois and merchants, in Russia they were a significant figure. Balls, parties and other gatherings were the environment where the young had an opportunity to take a closer look at each other. As time passed, professional matchmakers were rejected, while friends and acquaintances began to play their part.

The problem of locating Him is still very urgent. Not everybody has a lot of friends and acquaintances, not everyone is an active and avid searcher. Friends and parents could contribute to the expansion of the research area. But sometimes the parents are pleased that their favorite adult child spends all his or her free time with them. The child feels comfortable about it. However, there is nothing to be glad about, everything is good when it is reasonable. Communication with representatives of the opposite sex should substitute the relationships with parents and friends.

Not so long ago the mass media was very negative about the services rendered by dating agencies. However, such services are absolutely necessary, as the opportunities of choosing a partner are limited to the people one interacts with on a routine basis. If a person is over 30 and single, the probability of falling in love accidentally, following a casual acquaintance, decreases every year. Therefore at this age it could be useful to contact a dating agency, to ask friends and relatives for the help, to send an announcement to a newspaper, to attend social evenings.

Such ways of acquainting do not leave the person unable to make a free choice, do not substitute love and the search for it. They only expand the opportunities, enabling one to look for their destiny. The marriage agencies' services are especially important for the people whose dating opportunities are limited because of age, trade restrictions, place of residence, conditions of life, psychological difficulties. About 50% of people who did not manage to get married until the age of 30 apply to marriage agencies abroad. In Russia now there are similar agencies which have an opportunity to help people at a high professional level.

Let's draw a conclusion: if you feel that you could contact an agency which will help you to find your partner, do it! Take a close look at your lifestyle. What do you have except for work? Are you a homebody? Is your circle of friends limited to married girlfriends and those who haven't been lucky either? How you spend your free time? What do you do? What can you do to expand this circle?

Do not overestimate the requirement level for the possible candidate. Your ideal should be real. If requirements are overestimated, you subconsciously stop noticing people who "do not meet" your criteria. Do not show an exaggerated interest to men. Do not be too persistent. You have to be yourself. If you see a possible marriage candidate in every person you meet, you could miss the very one you need, or, alternatively, frighten him off with your position

Do not despair, do not stop the attempts to find your other half. While you are still trying, you have a chance to create a family. Watch yourself and sometimes play the role of a weak person who needs help. A strong, independent woman frightens off men, they feel unnecessary. Do not get used to loneliness, struggle with it. Do not allow yourself to think that to live alone is easier than to serve and listen to a man. Do not pay attention to conversations of neighbors, friends and family. Under their pressure you would feel unfortunate and unworthy. Try not to doubt that your luck is waiting for you.

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